Vacation BLEACH STYLE!
by watermelonxpeaches18
Summary: Urahara is sending out invitations...for an amazing, three week, paid-for, beach vacation! And what are these...interesting room assignments? How very exciting. IchiRuki, IshiHime, RenTats, UraYoru, GinRan, HitsuHina, Byaxsomebody and maybe more!
1. Invitation

HEY PEOPLES!

This is just a little idea that sprung into my head during breakfast, which transformed into this.

Hope you like it. ;3

**Ichigo POV**

Ichigo laid down on his bed, listening to the sound of rushing water. Slightly bored, he closed his eyes and waited. Fifteen minutes passed. Extremely bored now, Ichigo stood up and began pacing, for yet another agonizingly endless fifteen minutes. Presently frustrated beyond belief, and thoroughly sick of waiting, he stormed off to his bathroom, where Rukia was taking a shower.

"God dammit," he thought to himself exasperatedly, "How long does it take for girls to take a freaking shower?"

Just when he was about to bang on the bathroom door, a hell butterfly fluttered in front of his face. Instead of speaking as usual, the messenger dropped a note at Ichigo's feet, and floated away. Bemusedly, he picked it up, right when Rukia opened the door in his face, clad in only a towel, which was loosely wrapped around her chest.

"What's this?" she asked, bending over to see the letter, accidentally shifting her towel to reveal more cleavage then she intended. Upon viewing this new revelation, Ichigo blushed and jerked the note higher, away from Rukia and her…assets.

"What are you waiting for?" she questioned impatiently, "Read it!"

Ichigo, tearing his eyes away from her chest area, hastily began reading the hurriedly filled out note aloud.

It read:

**Dear ** Ichigo Kurosaki** , ****and **Rukia Kuchiki** ,**

** Congratulations! You are invited to stay at the Sand Dollar Beach Resort for three weeks by **everyone's favorite shopkeeper 3**. S/he will pay for all rooms, dinners, transportation and/or other activities. S/he will also decide the sleeping arrangements. Here is a personal message from **you know who!**.**

HELLO MY DEAR CUSTOMERS! I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO STAY WITH ME! NO NEED TO RSVP. IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP I WILL JUST KIDNAP YOU! With the help of Yoruichi-sama and Ururu-chan… HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! Come to Urahara Shoten within two hours. Or not. It's your choice. 3

3 Kisuke Urahara

P.S. I think you will enjoy the sleeping arrangements I have set up for you. ;3

The two stunned shinigami stared at the invitation in shock.

"He's not serious," Ichigo said blatantly, "And there is no _freaking _way in hell that we are going to this thing."

Rukia nodded thoughtfully.

"But look here," she pointed out, "It says he'll kidnap us if we don't come. Both of us together could probably beat him, but if he can get Ururu or Yoruichi to come with him, then we're screwed."

Ichigo shuddered.

"Ururu. Gack! That little girl just creeps me out."

Rukia rolled her eyes.

"She can't be that bad," she chided, "I mean look at her! She's adorable!"

"Adorable? As if. That's just a cute exterior, maliciously hiding the actual badass, kick-the-shit-out-of-you little girl."

"Whatever. That's beside the point," rebuked Rukia, "The point is that Urahara will almost definitely take someone else with him to abduct us, so the most logical thing to do is to just go."

As much as Ichigo hated it, Rukia's logic made sense. He sighed, a defeated gleam in his eyes.

"So that settles it then. We're going."

**Uruhara: 2 Invitees: 0**

Toshiro POV

Toshiro Hitsugaya glanced up from his mounds of paperwork to see his excited fukutaicho jumping up and down in front of his desk.

"Taicho, taicho, taicho, taicho, taichoooooo!" Matsumoto screamed, "Taicho, we got a letter!"

Toshiro scowled.

"Put it in the pile with the rest of them," he instructed, annoyed as usual.

"But taicho," she whined pitifully, "I want to go!"

The white-haired taicho groaned, but opened the letter anyways.

**Dear ** Toshiro Hitsugaya** , ****and **Rangiku Matsumoto** ,**

** Congratulations! You are invited to stay at the Sand Dollar Beach Resort for three weeks by **everyone's favorite shopkeeper 3**. S/he will pay for all rooms, dinners, transportation and/or other activities. S/he will also decide the sleeping arrangements. Here is a personal message from ** you know who! **.**

HELLO MY DEAR SHINIGAMI OF TENTH DIVISION! I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO STAY WITH ME! I've also invited some of your… "close" friends, and assigned Kira to do your division's paperwork…HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! Come to Urahara Shoten within two hours or I will be forced to kidnap Hinamori-chan and hold her hostage.

3 Kisuke Urahara

P.S. I'm sure you will enjoy your…ehe, roommates

Frowning, Toshiro asked, "Close friends?"

Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door. His hand on the doorknob, Toshiro promptly ran into Momo and Gin.

"Shiro-chan!"

Momo enveloped him in a warm hug, causing a blush to spread across his cheeks.

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho," he muttered, furiously trying to conceal his red face. Momo, blushing as well, released him and, noticing the invitation in his hand, beamed at him.

"Shiro-cha-I mean, Hitsugaya-taicho, you're going too?"she asked hopefully.

"No, I don't think so…"

"But Shiro-chan!" she cut him off, completely disregarding his earlier admonishment, "I want you to come with us! Ichimaru-taicho and I are both going! Pleeeeease!

Seeing Toshiro's frozen expression, she began to pout. Toshiro felt his resolve wavering. Momo added puppy dog eyes, and he broke.

"F-fine. I'll go to this-this resort thing. Just-stop with the puppy face, you're killing me!"

Matsumoto began celebrating.

"Yay! Taicho's going too!" she exclaimed ecstatically.

"This would be perfect if this idiot wasn't going too," she grumbled, gesturing to Gin.

"Are you _sure _that's what you want Ran-chan?" he asked suggestively, "'Cuz if you want me to, I'll stay he-

"No!" Matsumoto's outburst silenced the smug captain. "I mean, no. Maybe you'll be less annoying if you get a vacation. You can go. If you feel like it. Not that I care."

Gin grinned his signature evil smile.

"So that settles it then. We're going."

**Urahara: 6 Invitees: nil**

**Uryu POV**

Uryu Ishida picked up his sewing needle. Very precisely, he inserted a minute pink thread into the eye. Success! The Quincy did a secretive little victory dance, after making sure no one was watching. As his dance was reaching the finale, he was startled by a knock on the door, and immediately sat down. Orihime, bright and bubbly as ever, entered the room, flanked by a bored Tatsuki.

"Hi, Ishida-kun!" she greeted, bowing with a gigantic smile.

Uryu adjusted his glasses.

"Hello, Inoue."

"Looks like we're the only ones in Sewing Club today," Orihime noticed, looking curiously around the club room.

"I wonder why…" Tatsuki mused sarcastically, "No offense, but everyone else quit Sewing Club to salvage what was left of their reputations."

Uryu ignored her and sewed his dress in silence for a few minutes, until a hell butterfly fluttered in through the open classroom window, depositing an envelope on Orihime's desk. Uryu bemusedly picked it up and began reading it out loud.

**Dear ** Uryu Ishida** ,**Inoue Orihime** ,****and **Tatsuki Arisawa** ,**

** Congratulations! You are invited to stay at the Sand Dollar Beach Resort for three weeks by **everyone's favorite shopkeeper 3**. S/he will pay for all rooms, dinners, transportation and/or other activities. S/he will also decide the sleeping arrangements. Here is a personal message from **you know who!**.**

HELLO DEAR FRIENDS OF ICHIGO AND RUKIA! I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO STAY WITH ME! NO NEED TO RSVP. IF YOU DON'T SHOW UP I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO ABDUCT YOU! (with help from my very dear friend Ryuuken…HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! Come to Urahara Shoten within two hours. Or not. It's your choice. 3

3 Kisuke Urahara

P.S. Ichigo and Rukia are in attendance as well. ;3

Uryu cussed. (at the wooooorld…)

"Abduct us! Seriously! Psh. I'd like to see him try," Tatsuki scoffed skeptically, "And who even is Ryuuken?"

Orihime shrugged. Uryu, meanwhile had made his decision.

"We're going."

"What?"

"I said we're going. There's no way in hell I'm getting mixed up with him again. I'm done. Decision made." he affirmed.

"I'm so excited! We're going! To a resort! On a beach!" Orihime half-yelled excitedly.

Tatsuki let out a reluctant chuckle. She couldn't say no to Orihime.

"So that settles it then. We're going."

**Urahara: 9 Invitees: ixnay**

**Mizuiro POV**

Mizuiro stared absentmindedly out of the widow, completely ignoring Keigo's meaningless jabbering.

"-and she was freaking _hot_! Mizuiro? Mizuiro! Are you even listening to me?"

Mizuiro looked Keigo squarely in the eyes.

"No."

Keigo sighed.

"Whatever, let's just go find Chad."

Gathering up their schoolbags, the two highschoolers left the building in search of their friend.

"You know, Ichigo hasn't been in school much lately." Keigo began.

"yeah, he and Rukia always suddenly have random illnesses at the exact same time, and then rush off to the nurse's office."

"Well, let me let you in on a little secret," Keigo alluded pompously, "When I was at the nurse's office the last time-"

"Hey, why were you there anyways?"

"Tatsuki beat me up from staring too obviously at Orihime's boobs! Which I might add was completely unprovoked," Keigo protested, "Anyways, the point is that the nurse said she hadn't seen either Ichigo or Rukia in her office ever before."

"So the question is, what are they _really _doing?" Mizuiro mused.

"I bet it's something nasty," deliberated Keigo, "Man, what I wouldn't give for a sweet deal like tha-"

"I got it!" Mizuiro exclaimed, "Ichigo is actually an incredibly hot vampire, and Rukia, who is madly in love with Ichigo, is letting him drink her blood to keep him alive. So when they disappear in class, he must be drinking her blood!" **()**

"That sounds…sexy," Keigo breathed, "Wait hold on a second. That's not possible!"

Mizuiro sniggered and, completely ignoring Keigo, mused, "I wonder how Ichigo keeps up with school and all?"

Keigo shrugged.

"I dunno. Maybe he's just failing or something."

"No, he's not. He's ranked in the top thirty in our school, so-"

"What? He's got better grades than me?" Keigo roared, outraged.

"So Ichigo is getting about half the class time as you do, yet his grades are about twice as good as yours. How interesting." Mizuiro concluded."

"Don't say that! It makes me sound stupid."

"…Exactly."

The boys were so busy bickering that they failed to notice Chad, studying at a picnic table, until they bumped into him. Literally.

"No, your stup-Oh hey, Chad," Keigo greeted, stopping mid-insult.

Chad nodded his hello, and returned to studying. Then Keigo noticed his notes.

Aghast he yelled indignantly, "You too Chad? Studying? This is atrocious. You and Ichigo both, you-" Keigo was stopped short as a small, black butterfly gently touched down on the table in front of them, dropping a large envelope before departing again.

"What the hell?"

After getting over the appearance of a random butterfly, Mizuiro picked up the letter, opened it and began divulging its contents.

**Dear ** Yasutora Sado** ,**Keigo Asano** ,****and **Mizuiro Koijima** ,**

** Congratulations! You are invited to stay at the Sand Dollar Beach Resort for three weeks by **everyone's favorite shopkeeper 3**. S/he will pay for all rooms, dinners, transportation and/or other activities. S/he will also decide the sleeping arrangements. Here is a personal message from **you know who!**.**

HELLO FELLOW PEOPLE WHO LOVE MESSING WITH ICHIGO'S LOVE LIFE! I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO STAY WITH ME! I also invited Ichigo and Rukia, who will be sharing a room in the hotel. Unfortunately, there is only one bed. I'm not saying, but I'm just saying…HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! Come to Urahara Shoten within two hours or I will be forced to kidnap you!

3 Kisuke Urahara

The three students gawked at the letter. (Well, minus Chad, who stared at it impassively, only blinking when he saw Ichigo's name)Keigo broke the silence first.

"Oh _my _god. We are going to this resort thing."

Mizuiro frowned thoughtfully.

"But who is this Urahara guy anyways? And how does he know Ichigo and Rukia?" he wondered suspiciously, "Maybe...ah, who cares anyways? This is our big chance to set them up! Why wouldn't they do something at least slightly perverted if they're in a room with a convenient hotel bed nearby? And I will make sure that we will be there to see it! Or at least hear it. I just bought these awesome hidden audio recorders that we can put in their room."

"This is brilliant!" Keigo schemed excitedly, turning to Chad and asking, "You wanna come?"

The Mexican shrugged. If Ichigo truly loved Rukia, then Chad would obviously help him in his endeavors.

Mizuiro had an evil gleam in his eyes.

"So that settles it then. We're going."

**Urahara: 12 Invitees: zeeeeeeero ;3**

**Renji POV**

Renji unsheathed Zabimaru, and ran his finger along the zanpakuto's uneven edge. Apparently ready, he brandished it at his enemy.

"Roar, Zabimaru!" he yelled.

His opponent, an unfortunately chosen sakura tree, was obliterated by the red-haired shinigami's bankai. Renji grinned in approval.

"Having fun, are we?"

Renji flinched, and turned to find none other than Kenpachi and Yachiru viewing the diced remains of the tree with amusement. Renji let out his breath in a tremendous whoosh.

"God dammit, Zaraki-taicho, you nearly scared me to death," he accused.

Yachiru let out a burst of laughter.

"That's what Ken-chan normally does!" she giggled.

The gigantic taicho looked affectionately up at her.

"So, Kenpachi," Renji began, sheathing Zabimaru, "Now that you have officially ruined my morning practice, what do you want?"

Kenpachi grinned maliciously.

"Yachiru has something she wants to say to you."

Renji groaned.

"Please tell me it's not about candy…it's not about candy, is it?"

Yachiru shook her head.

"No, spiky-kun," she said, gesturing to his hair, "Yachiru has a serious question for you."

Renji rolled his eyes and reluctantly asked, "Awright, Yachiru, what do you wanna say to me?"

"Me and Ken-chan got a letter from hat and clogs-kun today," she began, "and-"

"Wait, hat and clogs-kun?" Renji was confused. "Who's that?"

"Kisuke Urahara," Kenpachi clarified, "Go on, Yachiru."

"Hat and clogs-kun invited me and ken-chan to a beach vacation!" she giggled maniacally.

Scowling, he wondered, "What does this have to do with me?"

"…aaaaaand he invited you too! See?" Yachiru finished happily, presenting him with an already opened letter. He bemusedly read it aloud.

**Dear ** Kenpachi Zaraki** ,**Yachiru Kusajishi** ,****and **Renji Abarai** ,**

** Congratulations! You are invited to stay at the Sand Dollar Beach Resort for three weeks by **everyone's favorite shopkeeper 3**. S/he will pay for all rooms, dinners, transportation and/or other activities. S/he will also decide the sleeping arrangements. Here is a personal message from **you know who!**.**

HELLO MY FELLOW BADASSES! I HEREBY INVITE YOU TO STAY WITH ME! For Renji, Kuchiki-taicho is going as well, and he requests your assistance in handling, ehe…matters…yeah, so…HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE! (Unless you want to disobey Kuchiki-taicho…) Come to Urahara Shoten within two hours or I will give all my extra Halloween candy to Yachiru! (Kenpachi knows what I'm talking about…let's not go there.)

3 Kisuke Urahara

Renji Abarai was not a timid man. He easily mastered his bankai when the situation called for it, and he was one of the few shinigami who did not feel threatened by either Kenpachi or Yachiru. He even had spiky hair and badass tattoos. Very few things intimidated him. His taicho, Byakuya, was one of them.

Kenpachi, seeing the resigned expression on Renji's face, assumed wryly, "That changes things, doesn't it?"

Renji nodded wordlessly, and Yachiru could barely contain her excitement.

"Ken-chan, ken-chan!" she jabbered, "Spiky-kun is going too! That makes Yachiru happy! We can use his suitcase for the candy!"

Kenpachi shot Renji one of his rare looks of gratitude.

"Thank God. Now she won't use my suitcase."

Renji let out a reconciled sigh.

"So that settles it then. We're going."

**Urahara: 14 Invitees: -1 (just kidding) 0**

**Byakuya POV**

Byakuya silently shunpoed into the doorway of Urahara Shoten, Senbonzakura sheathed and at his side. He moved swiftly through the hidden door to the dimly lit backroom, where he found Kisuke Urahara hastily filling out forms on a small table. Yoruichi stood looking slightly bored with lost enthusiasm behind him, playing absentmindedly with a piece of string.

The shopkeeper looked up.

"WELCOME, CUSTOMER!" he greeted, rather loudly for Byakuya's taste, and hurriedly shoving the forms behind his back.

This did not amuse the stoic ninth division captain.

However, he chose to ignore it for the time being, and queried, "I came to receive my upgraded gigai. Is it completed yet?"

"Er, yes. Yeah, it's done," Urahara stalled, "Yoruichi, get it for him, please."

Yoruichi rolled her eyes and disappeared through another door. Urahara, still very obviously blocking the invitations, cleared his throat.

"So…" he began awkwardly, "Killed any hollows lately?"

Byakuya completely ignored the merchant's feeble attempts to hide the letters, asked another question very pointedly.

"What are you hiding behind your back?"

Urahara apparently considered this for a moment, then made the wise decision to hand over the invites. Byakuya examined them, and upon reaching Keigo, Mizuiro, and Chad's, was shocked.

"Ichigo…and Rukia? My sister and that annoying pervert, staying in the same hotel room, with a convenient hotel bed right next to them? What are you thinking?" **(2)**

Urahara grinned sheepishly.

"I, well…I thought it would be hilarious!" he admitted.

Byakuya glared at him.

"How is that in any way funny?" he demanded, "I fail to see any merits to this situation."

The trader struggled to find an upside.

"It could be a…a learning experience for Rukia!" he fabricated out of the blue, "I mean, it's always said that people learn best from experience, right? So she could learn to stay away from perverts like Ichigo…?"

Byakuya frowned mockingly, but then his face lit up.

"You may have a point," he acknowledged halfheartedly, and then his resolve strengthened as the path became clear.

"I am going to this resort of yours," he stated firmly, "I must oversee this relationship of Rukia's. Also, make Abarai-san come too. He may be able to assist me."

And with that, he left, his captain's haori swirling.

"If you want to come, be back here in two hours!" Urahara called after him.

As soon as Byakuya was out of hearing range, Yoruichi reentered the room with a wry smile on her face.

"You really are a master of manipulation," she praised grudgingly.

Urahara grinned evilly, and stared at the door that Byakuya had just exited in moments ago.

"This should definitely make things more…interesting."

**Final Score: Urahara: 15 Invitees: NOTHING.**

**NOW LET THE REAL GAMES BEGIN!**

So…were you confused? I know there's a lot of POVs, and there's gonna be a _whole_ lot of pairings.

**(1) **This is just my little tribute to Vampire Knight. ;P

**(2) **Ironically, Bya-kun almost had the exact same reaction as Keigo and Mizuiro. Maybe he is a pervert after all…

TELL ME WATCHA THINK!


	2. Arrival

Yay! It's chappie number two!

Ichigo: Yeah. Big whoop. I'm sooooooo excited.

Me: Maybe you're not excited yet, but wait until you hear the room assignments! (Hint hint)

Ichigo: R-room assignments? Like-like what?

Me: I thought you weren't interested.

Ichigo: Well, I am _now_!

Me: Do the disclaimer and I'll tell you.

Ichigo. Grrrrr. Fine. Disclaimer- watermelonxpeaches18 does NOT OWN BLEAH! I mean, Bleach. No duh. Okay, I did the disclaimer, now tell me!

Me: No. ;3

Ichigo: What is this? My life is a lie! (Inside joke. I laugh.)

Chad POV

"Urahara Shoten?" Keigo asked, puzzled, "Where is that?"

Mizuiro shrugged, and to Keigo's surprise, Chad spoke up.

"I know where it is." the Mexican stated.

Shocked, Keigo inquired, "How would you of all people know something we don't?"

"Uh, news flash, Keigo," Mizuiro interjected, "He's got even better grades than Ichigo does."

"A shameful betrayal, isn't it?" Keigo accused pointedly, "But that's no reason for him to know where this shop thingie is. Where did you even learn about it?"

"Ichigo." Chad answered simply.

"What? That's impossible!" gasped Keigo in disbelief, "There's no way that Ichigo would confide in you, rather than us! Because we're way more…never mind."

Mizuiro inspected Chad with new eyes.

"Can you show us where it is?"

Chad nodded impassively and began walking.

Keigo began following him, stopped, and then started again.

"I hope clothes are provided at some point."

Keigo POV

Chad followed the apparently familiar path to Urahara's Shop. Upon reaching their destination, he opened the door and motioned them in. Keigo's eyes eagerly scanned the store, and he was not disappointed. All the shinigami stood imposingly inside.

Renji leaned absentmindedly against a wall, his tattoos rippling impressively across his muscular arms, and Zabimaru very obviously sticking out of its sheath on his back. He was arguing with Kenpachi, his hair bells jingling and gigantic as ever, with Yachiru's pink-haired head bobbing up and down on his shoulders. Next to them stood Matsumoto, who was very impressive to Keigo's eyes, due to her assets. Toshiro, whose shock of white hair was just about level with her chest, scolded her about paperwork and stood very close to Momo, although she didn't seem to mind. Gin had his arm wrapped comfortably around a resigned Matsumoto, smiling evilly. The shady-looking Urahara was playfully attempting to steal Yoruichi's ball of yarn. Her catlike green eyes glinted maliciously, teasing him. Scandalously, Orihime was completely too close to Uryu…and Uryu didn't seem to be doing anything about it. Tatsuki was futilely trying to engage Byakuya in a conversation. Needless to say, she was failing epically. Finally, Ichigo and Rukia were talking seriously in a corner, secluded from the rest of the group. Ichigo looked up and an expression of disbelief crossed his face.

"Keigo! Mizuiro!" he ranted furiously, "No _fucking _way. Oh, hey, Chad."

Chad nodded his hello. Before Keigo could snap back a retort, the man in the green-striped hat cut him off.

"Well, now that we're all here, let's be off then!" he pressured brightly.

Noticing Keigo and Mizuiro's curious looks toward the shinigami, the dark-skinned woman next to the man prompted, " It seems as if we don't all know eachother here."

The hat man glanced at the boys.

"Ah, yes. I think some introductions are in order. You already know Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Tatsuki and Chad, right?"

They bobbed their heads up and down.

"Okay, this is Kuchiki-taicho, Rukia's brother," he introduced, pointing to Byakuya, who nodded coldly.

"This here is Zaraki-taicho, and on his shoulder there is Yachiru-chan,"

Zaraki grinned menacingly, and Yachiru plopped herself down on his head.

"-And Renji-fukutaicho is the one with the pineapple head-"

Renji scowled, but let him be.

"-And over here is Shiro-chan, next to the lovely Hinamori-san."

Momo blushed, and Toshiro grunted.

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho." he corrected irritably.

"Whatever you say, Shiro-chan," the shopkeeper indulged, "And here we have Matsumoto-fukutaicho and Ichimaru-taicho."

Keigo would have attempted to ravage Matsumoto right then and there if it weren't for Gin. There was something just not right about that smile.

"-And finally, next to me is my very best friend Yoruichi-san, and I am Kisuke Urahara, the mastermind behind this whole vacation," Urahara concluded, "No need to thank me, but I will accept gift with substantial monetary value and-oof!"

Yoruichi elbowed him in the ribs, muttering something that sounded a lot like, "Very best friend my ass…"

"All right then," stimulated Urahara, who had recovered from Yoruichi's ambush, "To the Senkaimon!"

Underneath Urahara Shoten

Ichigo kicked a random chunk of rock.

"I've got bad memories of this place," he grumbled.

"Oh, come on," Rukia chided, "It can't have been that bad."

Ichigo shuddered.

"You kidding? Ururu hits _hard_.

Finally, they reached what seemed to be a giant gate made out of paper. Urahara stopped walking.

"To those of you that understand, this Senkaimon is slightly different," he explained, "Instead of transporting you to the Soul Society, it's basically a portal to other places in the human world, therefore erasing all danger."

"That can't be legal," Renji muttered to Byakuya, who silently agreed.

"Follow me!" the merchant encouraged cheerily, stepping through the gate.

The group followed him through, emerging into a temperate paradise. Tropical birds flitted through the trees, and they could faintly hear waves softly lapping at the shores of a beach. An enormous beach resort was visible through the scattered palm trees. The air had a salty scent to it, speaking of an ocean.

"Welcome to my private island!" Urahara crowed, "The Sand Dollar Beach Resort where you will be staying is over there. Feel free to explore the island, relax on the beaches or give me free money!"

"Hey, if you own the island, why did you have to fill out the forms?" Ichigo interrogated skeptically.

"Ah, well, you see, there was-"

"In other words, you were too lazy to write formal invitations." Renji patronized.

"Well, you could say that," Urahara admitted, "But anyways, here are the room assignments! All your clothes are in the closets. I suggest you just settle in today, and we'll start the activities tomorrow. Dinner is at seven. Don't be late!"

He handed them a list, and they all clustered around it.

_Room Assignments_

_Room 315 – Ichigo and Rukia_

_Room 316 – Yoruichi and Urahara_

_Room 317 – Byakuya and Renji_

_Room 318 – Kenpachi and Yachiru_

_Room 319 –Tatsuki and Chad _

_Room 320 – Uryu and Orihime_

_Room 321 – Rangiku and Gin_

_Room 322 – Toshiro and Momo_

_Room 323 – Keigo and Mizuiro_

Urahara observed the dumbfounded looks on his guest's faces with interest.

"Well, if you'll excuuuuuse me," he interjected, claiming Yoruichi's hand, "We have some settling in to do."

He then proceeded to lug her reluctantly to their room. An awkward silence filled the air until Ichigo broke it.

"Guess we'd better go then," Ichigo provoked impatiently.

Rukia nodded eagerly, and grabbed Ichigo's hand. He blushed at the contact, but let himself be dragged along.

"I can't wait to see what our room looks like." she wondered.

"I bet Ichigo can't wait either," Renji joked suggestively to Byakuya. He was met with a cold stare.

"Let's just go to our room." Byakuya instructed.

The rest of the group slowly dispersed and went to their corresponding rooms until the only people left were Kenpachi and Yachiru.

"Ken-chan! Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Yachiru confirmed.

Kenpachi nodded.

"Yeah. There's so many possible pairings. This is just a pregnancy waiting to happen." **(1)**

"You'll help Yachiru set them up, right?" the girl verified.

"You know I will," the taicho consented, "We can also team up with those humans that came late. They had a shifty look about them. I get the sense that they're troublemakers. We can ask them to help us, if you want."

Yachiru giggled.

"Yay! Pervert-kun and Girly-kun can help us!" she laughed.

Kenpachi sighed in satisfaction. This would give Yachiru the time of her life.

Yeah, I know, suckish ending, right? *sigh*

Ichigo: This should be interesting.

Me: Says the one who's sharing a room with Rukia! I think there is a certain feature of your rooms that you will rather enjoy.

Ichigo: *closes eyes petulantly* I'm not falling for it.

Ururu: *sneaks up behind Ichigo* Boo.

Ichigo: *screams like a girl and runs away*

Me: Thanks a lot, Ururu-chan. *hands her twenty bucks*

The next chapter should be up within at least week, if I'm not busy.

**There will be no pregnancies in this fanfic. To those of you who immediately thought, "THIS IS A SIGN!" you fail. No offense. ;3**


	3. First Night

**Es Etapa Numero Tres!**

**Ichigo: Why are you speaking in Spanish?**

**Me: Lo siento. No entiendo. **

**Ichigo: That's really annoying. **

**Me:**** Tu**** eres muy estupido. ****Y, se gustas Rukia también.**

**Ichigo: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, WOMAN!**

**Me: Tee hee. Yo no poseo Bleach, por que no me llama Tite Kubo. **

**Ichigo: *sigh***

**(I apologize if my Spanish was confusing or translated wrong…it's my worst subject. -)**

**Warnings: OOCness…of EVERYONE.**

**Ichigo and Rukia's Room**

Ichigo approached their hotel room. The number 315 was set in gold on the door, next to a taped room key. He ripped the plastic card off and inserted it into the slot. The light flashed green, and he opened the door. Before he could even get a glimpse of their room, Rukia bounded inside, animatedly inspecting every aspect of it.

"Not a bad place," she declared, "The closet space is pretty big, and this light turquoise wall color is nice. Carpet's amazing, and extremely fluffy. All in all, it's pretty much ideal."

Ichigo looked at her oddly.

"What?" she asked indignantly, "I just want this vacation to be perfect, that's all."

"I thought you didn't even want to go," Ichigo disputed, confused.

"Well, not at first," Rukia deliberated, "But now that we're here, all the excitement has caught up with me, I guess. And the room assignments kinda lifted my spirits, too."

Ichigo raised his eyebrows, a startled expression on his face. There was no way…

"I mean, not in that way of course," she amended hastily, "But I was kinda relieved that I wasn't stuck with nii-sama, or anyone else. That would be kind of awkward."

Ichigo nodded, understanding her point of view.

"And since we normally share a room, then it's not awkward at all!" Rukia added brightly, "I can just be myself."

She plopped down on the bed and sighed contentedly. Situating her arms behind her head, her elbow bumped into a medium-sized bowl, filled above the brim with ripe, glistening, strawberries.

"What's this?"

Ichigo, leaning over Rukia, lifted up the bowl, and a note fluttered out from underneath. It read:

**Have fun with these!**

**-Urahara (your lowly but sexy shopkeeper)**

Rukia licked her lips.

"Mmmmm," she moaned, closing her eyes and sucking on a strawberry.

Savoring every last morsel, she finished the juicy fruit and announced, "I'm gonna take a shower."

Ichigo shivered involuntarily, mentally berating himself for the images floating through his mind.

"You-you go do that then," he stuttered, looking away.

Now it was Rukia's turn to shoot him a strange look.

"Ooookay then, " she said slowly.

Ichigo balled his hands into a fist, standing statue-like as he watched her enter the bathroom and close the door. As soon as he heard the water turn on, he immediately faceplanted onto their bed, frantically trying to clear all thoughts of Rukia in the shower from his head. His hands gripped the edge of the single bed tightly as he struggled with himself inwardly. Wait a minute…single bed?

Ichigo groaned. "Shit! There's only one bed!", he thought anxiously, "That means we have to sleep together…which may not actually be so bad…NO! No, control, Ichigo. CONTROL."

Ichigo sighed. This was going to be a helluva long night.

**Tatsuki and Chad's Room**

Tatsuki opened their hotel room door, walked in, looked around, and then plopped down on the bed. Chad followed her and sat down in a chair in the corner.

"Well," she began, "Nice room."

Chad grunted.

"Yes."

Tatsuki sighed. Well, at least it wasn't _awkward_ or anything.

**Toshiro and Momo's Room**

Momo sat contentedly on their bed in the hotel room, listening to the sound of water rushing while Toshiro took a shower. At a loss as to what to do, she examined the ebony sidetable next to the bed. Inside a drawer, she discovered a pen next to a notebook with hotel stationary and a small picture of a green striped hat in the corner. Next, Momo inspected the closet. The plain, innocent-looking door glided smoothly open, and she gasped in wonder. The enormous, walk-in closet was almost as large as their room.

"Wow!" she thought, "This is amazing! I'll have to show Shiro-chan once he gets out of the shower."

Momo ran her fingers along the sides of all the hanging clothes around her. Girlishly excited, she began sifting through what she presumed was her side of the closet. At least, she hoped it was her side of the closet. A horrifying image of Toshiro in a frilly, pink dress flashed across her mind. She shuddered.

"Yeah," she thought shakily, "Definitely my side of the closet."

Momo shook herself back into reality, and a large dresser on the back wall of the closet caught her eye. Upon closer inspection, she realized that only the lower drawers were labeled. She surmised that the ones on the left side, next to the girly clothes, were hers, and vice versa for the opposite drawers. The bottom two drawers were suspiciously labeled "COSPLAY" in bold letters. Above those were marked "EVENING WEAR", "SHOES", and "SWIMSUITS". Momo ignored the marked ones and instead randomly opened one of the unmarked drawers. She gasped and held up one of the offending articles of clothing in shock.

"He's got to be kidding!"

**In the Bathroom**

Toshiro finished zipping up his jeans, and then looked around him for his last item of clothing. Mentally rebuking himself for forgetting the shirt, he tousled his hair, sending a wave of droplets showering down his features. Face dripping, he emerged from the bathroom and opened the closet door.

**Back in the Closet**

Toshiro slid the door open, and Momo froze in her position. Toshiro hadn't notice what she was doing yet, and announced, "I just needed a shir-"

He stopped mid-sentence. Momo was holding the thinnest and most lacy girl's underwear that he had ever seen. **(1) ** It was mostly lace, with an all-too-thin strip of silk coming down in the middle. He gaped at her.

"Wh-wh-what is _that_?" he stuttered, a condemning finger pointing at the criminal garment.

Momo, meanwhile, was still in shock.

"I-I don't exactly know," she confessed, "There's a whole drawer of them in here…"

Momo bit her lip.

"I think," she began, "I think that they're for me…"

Toshiro stood immobilized in front of her, his imagination going wild in spite of himself. Momo frantically searched through the drawer.

"There's got to be something normal in here!" she shrieked hysterically, flinging lingerie everywhere, "There _has _to be!"

She threw a rejected sheer bra with silk bows on it behind her, which hit Toshiro on the face. He immediately hurled it to the ground like it had stung him.

"Momo," he pacified, "Momo, calm down."

The dark-haired girl slumped in her discarded pile of sexy undergarments.

"No one's gonna see them, right?" he clarified.

Momo nodded hopefully.

"Yeah…" she mused optimistically, realization dawning on her face, "No one can see these, can they? So the only people who would know about them would be you and me, right! That's a relief. I feel a lot better now."

She carefully returned the said attire to their rightful places in the drawer and left the closet.

"By the way, I think your shirts are on the left side," she told him as she was closing the closer door.

Toshiro sighed as she left and randomly pulled a shirt off its hangar.

"Only you and me, huh?" he thought to himself, "I wonder if she meant…nah, it couldn't be."

** You're so obvious that it's painful, **Hyorinmaru noticed.

"Shut up."

Outside the closet, Momo once again lay on their bed as Toshiro put his shirt on.

"I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed," she thought guiltily to herself, "No one should have to cover abs like that with a boring shirt…wow, I have it bad."

**Kenpachi and Yachiru's Room**

Mizuiro viewed the small, pink-haired girl bouncing up and down on her bed with amusement. Keigo, meanwhile, was all too busy being intimidated by Kenpachi to notice Yachiru.

"Soooo…" he began nervously, tugging at his collar, "Why exactly did you bring us here?"

The massive taicho grinned, slightly maniacally, and assumed, "You're troublemakers, aren't you?"

"What?" Keigo sputtered indignantly, "Troublemakers? Us? Psh, no way."

Mizuiro elbowed him in the ribs.

"Yeah, we like to stir up things a bit," he said casually, "What of it?"

Yachiru giggled.

"Then you'll help us?" she requested hopefully, ambushing them with a cute, pleading expression.

"Help? With what?" asked Mizuiro, looking towards Kenpachi.

"Yachiru wants to set up everyone," he explained, "And since you seem to like "stirring things up" as you said, I think it would be beneficial for us to combine forces."

Keigo grinned.

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" he declared, "Now, we know who can be paired from our world, but only you guys know who likes who in Soul Society."

"I know all about this!" Yachiru exclaimed, "Grandpa-kun likes Peach-chan, Hat-and-clogs-kun likes Neko-chan, Smiley-kun likes Busty-chan and Sakura-kun likes Hisana."

The three men stared at her.

"So, Spiky-kun is the only one who doesn't like anyone," she concluded happily.

"Ok, let's see," figured Kenpachi, "To clear all this up, basically, Toshiro and Momo, Urahara and Yoruichi, and Rangiku and Gin. And Byakuya and Renji don't like anyone, since Hisana is dead."

Mizuiro nodded.

"So we need to find a match for Renji," he mused, "And leave Byakuya be. I think he's got other reasons for being here, and that could be quite interesting. Keigo, you're up."

Keigo cleared his throat.

"Well, from what I can tell-" he began.

"Or what you've learned from stalking…" Mizuiro muttered.

"Yeah, that too," Keigo admitted, "Orihime used to like Ichigo, but now since Ichigo likes Rukia she likes Ishida. Rukia probably likes Ichigo too. Ishida…well he'd be crazy not to like Orihime back. So Tatsuki and Chad are pretty much the only ones who don't like anyone."

"Wait," Mizuiro interrupted, "I think Chad has a girlfriend in Mexico. I heard him talking on the phone with her. So that just leaves Tatsuki."

Kenpachi scratched his head thoughtfully.

"That actually works perfectly. Renji and Tatsuki can be a pairing too. We just need to get them in a room together."

"Aaaaaactually," Keigo commenced with an evil smile, "I have an idea about that…"

**Byakuya and Renji's Room**

As soon as they entered the room, Byakuya began pacing. Renji watched him in bemusement.

"Uh, Kuchiki-taicho?" he verified, "Is everything alright?"

Byakuya glared at him.

"Of course. Everything is just _fine_."

The dark-haired noble resumed pacing. He was beginning to regret his decision to allow Rukia to go on this trip. That strawberry had been looking at her strangely, in a way that Byakuya did not approve of at all. Ichigo had better watch himself, that was all he had to say.

"Dammit," he thought to himself suddenly, banging his head against the wall, "What if Rukia gets hurt? I would never forgive myself if that were to happen." **(2)**

Renji stared at his taicho, who had collapsed against the wall.

"Are you _sure _everything's all right?"

**Ishida and Orihime's Room**

"Ishida-kun…" began Orihime, leaning closer to him.

"Yes?" he prompted, slightly alarmed.

"ISN'T THIS AMAZING?"

Ishida flinched and nearly fell off the bed. Orihime grinned sheepishly at him.

"Sorry," she apologized, "I just really, really like vacations. And this place is so AMAZING!"

"That's quite all right," he allowed, "But right now we need to focus on one problem: the bed."

Orihime looked at him quizzically.

"Is there a problem with the bed?" she asked, confused.

"Not exactly…" the Quincy stalled, "But there's only one. I am perfectly fine with sleeping on the floor if you want to sleep in the bed."

"Oh, but that won't be necessary!" said Orihime brightly, "We can just both sleep in the bed."

Ishida sweatdropped.

"I don't really think you-"

"I mean, we're only sleeping, right!"

The Quincy adjusted his glasses and sighed. This girl really was clueless.

"I'm gonna go for a walk!" she announced brightly, "Okay?"

"Whatever you want, Inoue-san."

**Rangiku and Gin's Room**

"Wait!" Gin called, "Before you leave…"

Rangiku turned around, exasperated.

"What is it this-mmf!"

Gin caught her in an embrace, muffling her words with a kiss. Deep inside her, she wanted to prolong the kiss, deepen it even, but she ignored that feeling and pulled away after a minute.

"What was that for?" she demanded.

Adopting an earnest expression, he replied, "Nothing. I just love you, Ran-chan. And you and I both know that you kissed me back."

"As if," Rangiku scoffed, "Can I _go _now?"

Gin nodded.

"Have a nice walk, Ran-chan!" he said cheerily, and chuckled to himself as he watched her stride away.

Rangiku walked, on the brink of a run, away from Gin and her feelings for him. She randomly turned into an astounding courtyard and spotted Orihime walking by herself. Rangiku had always had a soft spot for Orihime. The girl was just so innocent and cute, it could make anyone smile.

"Hey, Inoue-chan!"

Orihime looked up and welcomed Rangiku with a dazzling smile.

"Matsumoto-san!" she greeted, bowing endearingly.

"Soooo," Rangiku alluded, nudging her suggestively in the ribs, "How are things going with Ishida?"

The bubbly redhead grinned.

"Actually, I was just going to talk to Tatsuki about that," she confided, "And I think it's going great! He's been really nice to me ever since we got here."

"What, that's it?" Rangiku sputtered, "You need to make your move, girl."

"That's what I keep telling her." a voice said smugly.

As Orihime looked around wildly for the source of the voice, Tatsuki appeared from behind a palm tree.

"Hey, Hime, I haven't seen you in a-oof!"

She was promptly cut off by Orihime's tackle hug.

"Tatsuki!" she screamed, "I missed you!"

Rangiku sized up this new girl.

"It seems you and I are of the same opinion," she offered slyly.

"Finally someone agrees with me!" Tatsuki yelled triumphantly, pumping her fist in the air, "Hime's gotta go for it!"

Rangiku joined in on the cheer and praised, "I like you, Tatsuki. You seem like a fun girl to be around."

Tatsuki grinned as Orihime beamed at her fondly.

"So," pressed Rangiku, eager for gossip, "Got anyone special?"

The androgynous beauty sighed.

"I wish!" she complained, "But I've never met anyone that I really _liked."_

"Then we'll just have to set you up with someone, eh Orihime?" the blond determined. Orihime nodded ecstatically.

"Uwah!" she shrieked, "I'm so excited! I finally get to set Tatsuki up, instead of the other way around."

Tatsuki shrugged.

"I wouldn't mind being set up, as long as Hime gets to help." she allowed.

"Excellent!" hissed Rangiku triumphantly, eyes gleaming, "Now the question is, who?"

"What about Chad?" Orihime suggested, "I mean, he's in the same room with her."

Tatsuki quickly disbanded this idea.

"Nah, I think he's dating some Italian supermodel."

"I'll have to think more about this…" mused Rangiku, "And you do too, Orihime, for homework."

"Homework? For what?"

"For our new Relationship Branch of the Shinigami Women's Association!" declared the fukutaicho, "Which I hereby found right now. So, hurry up and get your homework done before the next meeting, or you'll have to play the penalty game!"

"Penalty game? What's that?" Tatsuki inquired.

A mischievous smile spread across Rangiku's features.

"Oh, you'll see soon enough," she alluded, "But I can assure you that it will be very amusing indeed."

**Yoruichi and Urahara's Room**

Urahara dragged Yoruichi to the door, inserted a key from his pocket into the slot, and motioned her forward.

"After you," he granted, taking off his hat and mock bowing.

Yoruichi winked at him, entered the room and looked around. The most striking feature of the room was easily the floor, carpeted in luxurious, jet black fur. In contrast, the bed was stark white, fluffy and plush. An ornate crystal chandelier provided light in the absence of windows.

"Wow…" Yoruichi breathed, "It's gorgeous."

"But it pales in the beauty of my Yoruichi-hime," Urahara complimented slyly, eyes shining.

Her cheeks colored, and she protested, "Stop teasing me. I know you don't mean it."

"Do you, now?" he alluded.

"Dammit, his flattery is merciless," she thought to herself, "I hate it when he teases me like this. I know it isn't real."

"So, you like the room?" Urahara verified, "I got us the best one."

"It's…amazing," she admitted, blushing.

Urahara cocked an eyebrow, and she hastily changed the subject.

"What's that door over there lead to?"

The shopkeeper grinned maliciously.

"Wanna see?"

He opened it with his room key and walked in. Yoruichi followed, now curious, and found herself in room full of TV screens. Urahara swiveled on a computer chair in the middle next to a console of some sort. Yoruichi estimated that there were around twenty screens total. Most of them showed hotel rooms, closets, and bathrooms in a slideshow, but there were other scenes as well. One had a view of a pool, and another one exhibited what seemed to be a ballroom. Upon closer examination, Yoruichi could identify figures moving in the rooms. Then she recognized them as her companions on this vacation. She cracked a smile.

"Oh, you're evil. You seriously set up cameras? You do realize I was kidding, right?" **(3)**

"Of course I did," Urahara venerated, "But I was kinda thinking about what you said earlier…"

"And?" Yoruichi prompted.

"And I thought it would be hilarious," the shopkeeper declared, "Good thing there's not one in our room."

Yoruichi sucked in her breath.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Urahara smirked suggestively.

"…Nothing."

Yoruichi rolled her eyes.

"I think I'm gonna go explore this place," she announced, changing the subject and turning to leave.

Urahara grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back.

"Do you want me to come?" he asked, speaking over her shoulder, "I know this island better than anyone. I can show you places that no one else knows about."

Yoruichi hesitated, then gave in.

"Okay."

The shopkeeper immediately lifted her up bridal style, his hat falling to the ground to reveal unruly blond hair underneath. Startled, Yoruichi instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck. Noticing their awkward position, she let go and crossed her arms.

"Put me down!" she demanded.

"I don't think so!" Urahara sang.

Seeing that struggling was pointless, she relented and wondered aloud, "Where are we going?"

"It's a secret."

Urahara began walking and exited the building to arrive in a magnificent cobblestone courtyard.

"Y'know," Yoruichi perceived, tousling his hair, "I kinda like you without your hat on."

Urahara blinked, startled.

"Why?"

Yoruichi shrugged.

"You just seem more…real. Whenever you're teasing me, or talking to customers or doing anything with that hat on, for that matter, you seem fake. No one can really see your eyes. But right now, I can really talk to you face to face, and you just seem nicer."

Urahara smiled to himself. Yoruichi took this as a teasing gesture and protested.

"What?" she demanded indignantly, "I guess it does sound stupid. Just…never mind."

"Actually, it sounds quite the opposite," admitted Urahara, "I was just thinking about how right you really are."

**And the question is: WHO IS CHAD REALLY DATING? ;3 Soooo… does anybody know what Keigo's idea is? 'Cuz I sure as hell don't! HELP A WRITER IN NEED! REVIEW! GIVE ME INSPIRATION! Also, ideas for the penalty game? All I know is that it's something mildly sexy! Tee hee. **

**Zaraki: You wrote me so OOC! I was nice! NICE!**

**Me: Er…sorry for making you look good?**

**Zaraki: You should be. *mutters* Psh. Nice…**

**Notes:**

**Not that he's seen many of course. =P~**

**Awwww, Bya-kun cares about Rukia after all. Y'know, minus the whole letting her be executed thing. **

**Just in case you thought you missed something here, you didn't. Yoruichi made a sarcastic joke about hiding cameras in their rooms when Urahara was writing the invitation. THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN THIS FIC.**

**Review if this affected you at all. If it didn't…review anyways. ;3**


	4. Room Confusion and a Surprise Guest

**Me: Hello, Chad.**

**Chad: …**

**Me: Um, the weather is nice today.**

**Chad: …**

**Me: Did you know that if you cut a chicken's head off, it will keep running around for a while?**

**Chad: …**

**Me: Hey, look! It's Ichigo!**

**Chad: !*leaves to search for Ichigo***

**Me: … **

**Disclaimer: watermelonxpeaches18 does not own Bleach. If you still believe she is Tite Kubo, please seek professional help.**

…

Urahara traipsed through the steadily thickening tropical palm forest, following a seemingly familiar path. Yoruichi, having thoroughly given up on ever escaping his arms, had sank into an adorable pout, which immediately disappeared upon reaching their destination.

"We're here," he announced, stopping in front of a towering, pitch black rock face. Yoruichi shot him a unconvinced glare, and he responded by taking a crudely carved, stone ankh out of his pocket and pressing it into an indentation in the cliff. To her amazement (although she should expect these things by now), part of the overhang slid open to reveal an entrance. Urahara took her hand and led her in.

"Follow me."

He strode down a small hallway, and turned a corner to reveal a larger room-like cave. At the end was another exit/entrance and in the middle was a giant pool. Upon closer inspection, it was a natural swimming hole, and glowed a faint iridescent lime in the darkness of the cavern. Unable to speak, Yoruichi turned to Urahara, who, to her astonishment, was taking his clothes off.

"St-st-stop stripping!" she shrieked.

He looked at her in puzzlement, holding his shirt over his shoulder and wearing a pair of swim trunks underneath his clothes.

"How am I supposed to swim, then?" he asked quizzically.

Yoruichi's cheeks colored.

"Ne-Never mind."

Urahara looked her over.

"Speaking of swimming, you're gonna need a swimsuit, too, huh. Take your pick from the closet over there."

He gestured vaguely in the direction of the other exit. Yoruichi nodded wordlessly and almost fled the room, her cheeks flaming hot. Upon entering the new room, she found about three rows of mannequins, most of them female, wearing various swimming attire. Slightly intrigued, the neko woman ran her fingers across the stretchy material, enjoying the feel of the fabric catching on her skin. The first mannequin sported seashells over the necessary areas and little elsewhere. She immediately skipped that one and moved on to a suit that was basically an extremely long (and skinny) silk ribbon. Rejected.

Rejected.

Rejected.

Rejected.

Rej-Oooh, he might like thi-no, not enough fabric.

Rejected.

Rejecte-Hey this one- no wait there's no bottom.

Rejected.

Finally, in the middle of the last row, Yoruichi found a suitable swimsuit. Actually, it was more than suitable. It was a distressed orangey-brown bikini, and had bohemian style flowers on it. She instantly began changing. When she was done, she peeked outside the "closet" to find Urahara still waiting for her and she stepped outside.

"Finally!" he exclaimed, "I was worried you had drowned…in swimsuits."

With that, he ambushed her from the side, picked her up, held her tightly to his chest and promptly jumped into the swimming hole. Yoruichi surfaced, sputtering.

"This means revenge!" she vowed, and sent a wave of water crashing down at his head.

Blond hair dripping, he emerged virtually unscathed and initiated an epic splash war. One victory and thirty minutes later, Yoruichi sat contentedly next to him on a rock protruding into the edge of the pool.

"We should get to dinner," Urahara sighed. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

"Let's come back here," Yoruichi enthused hopefully, "I really like this place. Can you show me the other secret places on this island, too?"

Urahara grinned.

"Don' t worry," he assured her, "I will."

She thanked him with a beaming smile, and got up to leave.

As he watched her retreating back, he murmured softly, "Anything for you."

…

Renji toweled his hair dry, and unceremoniously booted the bathroom door open, to find that his high-maintenance taicho had already departed for dinner. Cussing him out under his breath, he slipped into one of the band T-shirts Urahara provided and left the room. Due to all the swear words floating through his mind at the moment, Renji fervently hoped that his taicho was not still close by. He had a strong suspicion that Byakuya could read minds.

About to get on the path, the pineapple head observed the black haired girl- Tatsuki was it?- talking to Ichigo's friend with the brown hair. Keeble or Ok Go or something. The brunette said something else, and she scowled at him, pointing in the other direction. He made one last comment before departing. As she watched him leave, a mask of indifference slid off of her face, revealing a worried countenance underneath. Surprisingly, Renji felt a twinge of sympathy flood through his chest.

"_**You're worried." **_Zabimaru noted.

"_Shaddap. Why would I be worried about a complete stranger?"_

"_**Heck if I know," **_Zabimaru replied, _**"But I do know that you want to go see what's wrong."**_

Silently cussing out his zanpakuto for being right, Renji followed Zabimaru's instructions and positioned himself next to Tatsuki.

"You okay?"

The indifference obscured her true emotions once again

"Uh, yeah…"

"Cuz you didn't look okay when that Keigo guy left," Renji responded dubiously.

For some reason, Tatsuki found herself about to spill everything to this almost complete stranger. Something about his countenance just provoked honesty in her. Knowing that if she kept everything bottled up, it was bound to blow at some point, Tatsuki burst.

"Well, maybe I'm less than okay," she admitted, "What Keigo said kinda shook me a little."

Renji cracked a smirk.

"What? Did he like, confess his love to you or something?"

"Oh, he does that to everyone. Well, every girl," Tatsuki scoffed, "No, he was talking about my roommate."

"Chad?"

"Yeah,"

"Who is…in love with you?"

"Gya! No way…why are you so obsessed with people being in love with me. Are you a pervert?" she demanded.

"What?" Renji cried defensively, dismayed, "That is an unfounded accusation! You're probably talking about Kon. He's the real pervert. Anyways, what about Chad?"

Grimacing, she explained, "You know how I got assigned to the same room as him?"

Nod.

"And you know how I don't like him."

Nod.

"Apparently he's dating some Russian ballerina."

Nod.

"And there's only one bed."

"Ooooooooh."

"See what I mean?"

Renji frowned, then suggested, "Maybe you can ask Hat n' Clogs for a new room assignment."

"Yeah, I guess…" she allowed doubtfully.

"At least your roommate isn't a #$%..."

"Pardon?"

Renji scowled.

"I said, at least your roommate isn't a #$%. Like mine. #$% Kuchiki-taicho."

"Please explain," she requested, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"First of all," Renji huffed, "He damn well near executed Rukia, who just happens to be his SISTER, and just happens to look EXACTLY like his dead wife. Second, he has no sense of humor! You say something funny, and he stares you down like it's the apocalypse. Also, he's a stuck-up noble drama queen who I am absolutely sure can read minds."

Tatsuki glanced at him sympathetically.

"Sounds like you've got it bad," she empathized.

Snorting, Renji replied, "That makes it sound like I've got a crush on him."

"Just as I suspected…" she replied dramatically, eyes gleaming teasingly.

Renji chuckled, and they continued conversing and talking until they reached the beige building where they were supposed to meet everyone else to go to dinner. Glancing at the digital clock on the wall, Renji realized that they were late. He pulled at the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge.

"You know what this calls for…" Tatsuki implied.

Renji grinned.

"Oh, yeah."

"DOUBLE ROUNDHOUSE KICK OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION!"

Simultaneously, they spun in the air and delivered a devastating blow to the unfortunate door, which splintered and collapsed to the ground. Renji grinned again. Destroying stuff was awesome. He offered Tatsuki his hand, mock bowing.

"Shall we?"

…

"All right, now that we're all here-"Urahara began.

"WAIT!"

Tatsuki burst in, hurdling next to Renji, who had apparently kicked down the door. After catching her breath, Tatsuki scrambled up to Urahara.

"You! Hat and clogs!" she accused, "You have to give me a new room assignment. Please!"

Urahara cocked an eyebrow.

"Is there a problem with your current room assignments?" he asked innocently.

Tatsuki stuttered, and answered, "I-well. I just-. I don't really feel comfortable with my current roommate."

"Do tell why."

Tatsuki gritted her teeth, forcing the words out.

"Chad is dating someone else," she muttered, "And I don't think she would approve of my staying in the same room with him, especially considering that you neglected to give us a second bed."

Keigo smiled deviously. For once, his plan was actually working. Chad opened his mouth to speak, but Rangiku silenced him with a look. She had just been hit with a stroke of inspiration. She just prayed that this led to what she hoped for.

Taking advantage of the silence, Byakuya spoke up.

"I would also like to request a room assignment change as well," he stated, "I am completely opposed to sharing a bed with Abarai."

Renji nodded.

"Yeah, even though I've been in ninth division for a long time, I think sleeping together is a little to intimate, if you know what I mean. "

Urahara grinned malevolently.

"Well then," he compensated, "If you _all_ aren't satisfied with your current room assignment, then it seems a change is in order. Renji, you will move in with Tatsuki in her room, and Chad will get a separate room since Mr. I'm-a-taicho-so-I-get-whatever-I-want decided to be a drama queen."

Rangiku silently punched the air with her fist triumphantly. Finally a match for Tatsuki!

Renji and Tatsuki regarded eachother apprehensively.

"She seemed pretty nice when we were walking here…" Renji thought.

"Anything would be better than Chad…" considered Tatsuki.

They seemed to make up their minds at the same time and replied simultaneously, "I'll do it."

An uncomfortable silence seemed to fill the atmosphere. Then, of course, something random happened. An incredibly lacy lion plushie with a nametag reading BOSTOV burst through the solid concrete wall right next to the door that Renji and Tatsuki had already demolished. Everyone in the room froze in shock as the stuffed animal promptly launched a flying tackle at Rukia, yelling "Nee-san!" The petite shinigami was caught unawares and fell off her chair to be subjected to Kon's trademark groping. Ichigo stood up and grabbed the pervert by the neck.

"How the #$% did you get here?" he hissed, painfully aware of all the vacant stares he was receiving.

"Legoo mah nuck." was Kon's reply.

"Huh?" Ichigo asked, subconsciously releasing his hold on the plushie's esophagus.

"I SAID LET GO OF MY NECK!" Kon bellowed, massaging his throat, "Anyways, contrary to popular belief, I am NOT here to stalk you, I am in fact looking for the Quincy."

Similar expressions of shock materialized on both Uryu and Ichigo's faces.

"Why are you stalking Ishida?" Ichigo inquired, extremely puzzled.

"JUST LOOK AT ME!" Kon wailed tearfully, "I was brutally attacked by your demon-sister! She has marred my beautiful, manly face with LACE! And BOWS! And INSTANT DEATH SUPERGLUE! So I need him to fix me again."

"A likely story…" Ichigo scoffed suspiciously, "And you just _happened_ to grope Rukia, huh? I'll believe THAT when Yachiru marries Yamamoto."

Kenpachi and Yachiru sent the orangehead twin evil eyes.

"…WHICH would never happen!" he amended hastily.

Kon blushed. (If lion plushies can blush)

"I _was_ looking for the Quincy," he admitted, "But then I broke into Room 322 and found the most interesting articles of clothing…"

Toshiro and Momo blushed simultaneously, which earned them questioning glances from the other shinigami.

"…and then I began searching this room and found Rukia-chan!" Kon sighed dreamily, "Oh, the bliss! Reunited at last with my darling nee-sa-"

Ichigo shushed him and pulled the dangerously ignorant fool closer to his face.

"All right, listen up, idiot," he drilled quietly, "You see that man over there? That is BYAKUYA. Otherwise known as KUCHIKI-TAICHO. He is Rukia's BROTHER. And he is extremely overprotective. You understand what I'm saying."

Kon bobbed his head up and down hastily, as if he absolutely comprehended the gravity of the situation. Ichigo nodded, and stood up, satisfied.

"-so what you're saying is that I should get close to _him_, gain his approval, and THEN propose to Rukia!" Kon concluded.

"What?" Ichigo sputtered, "I never-"

"Thanks, Ichigo! I'm off to stalk Byakuya now!"

Ichigo turned to Byakuya and shrugged apologetically. The dark-haired noble sighed. Did life hate him?

…

**And that ends Chappie the Fourth. Did'ja like it? Love it? Think it should die in a ditch? Well, whatever you thought, REVIEW and tell me about it, also I-**

**Rangiku: *obviously drunk* HEY PEOPLESH! DISH ISH A SHORT PUBLIC SHERVISH ANNOUNSHMENT FROM KUCHIKI-TAICHO! SHO LISHTEN UP, EVERYBODIES!**

**Me: You missed your cue. **

**Byakuya: Ahem. *glares at author* Why do I have to do this? **

**Me: I don't think you want to piss of the person who controls your actions. (at least in the story) **

**Byakuya: Grrrrr. Fine. ICHIGO KUROSAKI CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER! For some reason this is supposed to make people review. *frowns at script* …she spelled my name wrong. GAH! I GIVE UP!**


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